For a minute.
So, for that minute, let me tell you what I'm thankful for, okay?
I'm thankful for my friends here online, who have always been so kind and supportive, no matter how crabby and bitchy I've gotten, and no matter how many times I've been a broke-ass chump and lost the Internet. Thank you, all of you who kept coming back. You're awesome.
I'm thankful for my brother and his indomitable will, because, when faced with some bad news about his dreams, he stood up, rolled up his sleeves, and started finding alternative ways to get there from here. The pride I feel in this guy is too big to be contained. Ever.
I'm thankful for the resiliency of my children, who, when told that some of our vacation plans had to be canceled, said, "That's okay, mom, we can have fun here in town," and promptly revived my own optimism and recognition that life is only as hard as you think it is.
I'm thankful that my fridge is stocked and my cabinets have dry goods in them, and that I can cook. Because if I were a "from the box" mom, my poor family would be some unhappy campers over the next month or two while we had to go back to basic fare.
I'm thankful that the Internet isn't how I make my living. If it were, the loss of the cable would be a disaster. This way, it's merely a small hiccup in the progress of my life from one day to the next. And I can live with that.
And lastly, tempting fate though it may be, I'm happy to have my health and my family. I'm happy to still have one of my parents in my life - and a wonderful parent, at that. Looking around at the trials and tribulations some of my friends are having with their aging parents, I have to be extremely grateful that my dad is so great. So great.
Being thankful, I have to say, feels a hell of a lot better than being sorry for myself. So there it is.
Thanks, Universe, for not flattening me like a bug. I know you could if you wanted. So thanks for not doing it.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Going Offline
Can't afford the bill right now.
AGAIN.
Plus, in my frantic efforts to ignore the suck, shit and fail that is happening all around me, I am whipping around my favorite sites over and over and over and over, like a manic hamster on cocaine with a quad latte chaser.
This will not do.
Since the Internet can't keep up with me ANYWAY, I am better off paying some other bills first and returning when I'm stable.
In every sense of the word.
In the words of the noble and valiant Jerry Springer, take care of yourselves... and each other.
ETA: HEY! My friend Matt just posted something on Facebook that cheered me ENORMOUSLY. So I'll leave you with this pure goodness right here:
AGAIN.
Plus, in my frantic efforts to ignore the suck, shit and fail that is happening all around me, I am whipping around my favorite sites over and over and over and over, like a manic hamster on cocaine with a quad latte chaser.
This will not do.
Since the Internet can't keep up with me ANYWAY, I am better off paying some other bills first and returning when I'm stable.
In every sense of the word.
In the words of the noble and valiant Jerry Springer, take care of yourselves... and each other.
ETA: HEY! My friend Matt just posted something on Facebook that cheered me ENORMOUSLY. So I'll leave you with this pure goodness right here:
Monday, July 13, 2009
Plus And Minus
Plus: We went to the Oregon Country Fair this weekend and had a great time. Lots of beautiful people, neat costumes, and great music.
Minus: We couldn't find a motel room within a hundred miles of Veneta and so we slept in our car and then I, even I, the most body-conscious woman on Earth, took a communal shower at the Fair. Coed. Yes, that's what I said. That was... tough for me, but I did it for the sake of clean hair. Baby, I'd do a lot for clean hair.
Plus: My bro has jumped through all the hoops required to start going to PSU for his art courses! All he's waiting for is the confirmation letter from the college.
Minus: My phone is out so I can't call and check the status of that. Hopefully it comes soon!
Plus: My house is clean due to having minions! Brell and the Little Missy went through this place like a tornado, and I flatly refused to clean up their messes. They recognized the necessity of cleaning up after themselves, then went one better and just cleaned the whole place! W00T! Yay, minions!
Minus: I can't think of anything else to write about today, so a boring update is all you get. Next time, perhaps?
How was your weekend?
Minus: We couldn't find a motel room within a hundred miles of Veneta and so we slept in our car and then I, even I, the most body-conscious woman on Earth, took a communal shower at the Fair. Coed. Yes, that's what I said. That was... tough for me, but I did it for the sake of clean hair. Baby, I'd do a lot for clean hair.
Plus: My bro has jumped through all the hoops required to start going to PSU for his art courses! All he's waiting for is the confirmation letter from the college.
Minus: My phone is out so I can't call and check the status of that. Hopefully it comes soon!
Plus: My house is clean due to having minions! Brell and the Little Missy went through this place like a tornado, and I flatly refused to clean up their messes. They recognized the necessity of cleaning up after themselves, then went one better and just cleaned the whole place! W00T! Yay, minions!
Minus: I can't think of anything else to write about today, so a boring update is all you get. Next time, perhaps?
How was your weekend?
Thursday, July 9, 2009
So!
Ever since I had that lengthy stretch of non-internet time, I've been feeling more philosophical about everything that happens on the web. That isn't to say that the people on the other end of this series of tubes aren't just as real to me as they ever were; it's more that I had to go reclaim a life AFK, and when I did that, the intense attachment I felt to everything that happened on the internet diminished a bit, shrank back into a proper perspective. The people I know and care about on the web became more like pen-pals; when I get online it's like reading a letter from someone who moved away from my town.
And really, for me, that's the best way. I have a tendency to live inside my head a little too much; I read, I knit, I... sit on the internet and update Twitter. And Facebook. And three or four forums. And when it comes right down to it, that means I have little time where I sit with actual live adult humans, face-to-face, and interact.
And despite the fact that I regained some perspective during my recent absence, I have found that it's beginning to slip again. About a month ago I started a little knit group, and on the first night I felt awkward and estranged. From people I've known for almost 20 years. That isn't okay with me, and I decided, again, that the internet was eating my life.
The thing about living so much in my own head and spending a lot of time on the internet is that I start losing my reality filters. For a person who spends so much time quietly thinking anyway, it is very easy to form deep, passionate attachments to people online, because in my opinion, a relationship formed and carried on through the internet is the perfect example of a purely mental and emotional relationship. Except that it's an idealized relationship; almost everyone presents their best self online, removing and editing and self-censoring all the things that could be construed as negative by the groups they're in.
So I become entranced by these thought-relationships, these semi-mind melds of the online community. And then the relationships I have with these folks, who I may or may not ever meet in the flesh, begin to supersede the relationships I have at home.
(See there? I just typed "at home." As if the Internet is another place, a mappable place, a place where I physically go. Do you know where I go? I go to my living room, sit down at my desk, and jiggle my mouse to wake my PC up. That's where I go. Not Bimini, or Dublin, or Schenectady. And it's hard, friends, hard for me to remember that. And that's bad.)
Anyway, all of that is a twisty way of coming to the point, which is that I may or may not elect to continue getting cable, the means by which I access the internet. If I choose to stop my cable (we've been wanting to kill our television for about a year now, anyway), it won't be because the 'net is bumming me out; it won't be because none of my dear, good friends are important to me anymore (because you ARE, you ARE, oh, man, you ARE); it will be because, when it comes down to it, the deep attachment I feel to the internet is unhealthy. And expensive.
And I can't seem to cut costs in this area... in any sense of the word.
And really, for me, that's the best way. I have a tendency to live inside my head a little too much; I read, I knit, I... sit on the internet and update Twitter. And Facebook. And three or four forums. And when it comes right down to it, that means I have little time where I sit with actual live adult humans, face-to-face, and interact.
And despite the fact that I regained some perspective during my recent absence, I have found that it's beginning to slip again. About a month ago I started a little knit group, and on the first night I felt awkward and estranged. From people I've known for almost 20 years. That isn't okay with me, and I decided, again, that the internet was eating my life.
The thing about living so much in my own head and spending a lot of time on the internet is that I start losing my reality filters. For a person who spends so much time quietly thinking anyway, it is very easy to form deep, passionate attachments to people online, because in my opinion, a relationship formed and carried on through the internet is the perfect example of a purely mental and emotional relationship. Except that it's an idealized relationship; almost everyone presents their best self online, removing and editing and self-censoring all the things that could be construed as negative by the groups they're in.
So I become entranced by these thought-relationships, these semi-mind melds of the online community. And then the relationships I have with these folks, who I may or may not ever meet in the flesh, begin to supersede the relationships I have at home.
(See there? I just typed "at home." As if the Internet is another place, a mappable place, a place where I physically go. Do you know where I go? I go to my living room, sit down at my desk, and jiggle my mouse to wake my PC up. That's where I go. Not Bimini, or Dublin, or Schenectady. And it's hard, friends, hard for me to remember that. And that's bad.)
Anyway, all of that is a twisty way of coming to the point, which is that I may or may not elect to continue getting cable, the means by which I access the internet. If I choose to stop my cable (we've been wanting to kill our television for about a year now, anyway), it won't be because the 'net is bumming me out; it won't be because none of my dear, good friends are important to me anymore (because you ARE, you ARE, oh, man, you ARE); it will be because, when it comes down to it, the deep attachment I feel to the internet is unhealthy. And expensive.
And I can't seem to cut costs in this area... in any sense of the word.
Monday, July 6, 2009
What Do You Think?
I found a template I like! I love that it's colorful; I'm not usually a big one for bright and cheery, but in this case, I think it's fun and friendly.
Not much new over here at the moment, but I feel a little more creative with such a neat "face" on my blog. We'll see whether that translates into more posts in the long run.
Not much new over here at the moment, but I feel a little more creative with such a neat "face" on my blog. We'll see whether that translates into more posts in the long run.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Holiday Weekend!
Which is incredible and awesome, because 1) my guy gets Friday off so we're all staying up way too late (note the timestamp on this post), and 2) it's a gorgeous excuse to eat lots of stuff that's no good for anyone. And, since I went from being thirty pounds overweight to roughly ten pounds underweight (this allergies/cold/whateverthehell thing has really been kicking my ass, appetite-wise), eating lots of anything has an undeniable attraction. Unless it was, say, brussels sprouts. Them I could live without.
Other than that, I am about to go on a template quest for this blog; plain white isn't my favorite look. However, I strongly believe that that gray thing I had before was kind of boring. Maybe I'll try on a few designs before I settle. (No worries, Fern; I'll make sure to keep it eye-friendly, no matter what.)
Suggestions? Do you want to cast a vote? Like, say, I change the template once a day for a few days and then ask for input? After all, I usually only see the blog from the "Create Posts" page, so it's really kind of more for you than anything.
Anyway. I ramble. Good night, and happy Fourth of July weekend!
Other than that, I am about to go on a template quest for this blog; plain white isn't my favorite look. However, I strongly believe that that gray thing I had before was kind of boring. Maybe I'll try on a few designs before I settle. (No worries, Fern; I'll make sure to keep it eye-friendly, no matter what.)
Suggestions? Do you want to cast a vote? Like, say, I change the template once a day for a few days and then ask for input? After all, I usually only see the blog from the "Create Posts" page, so it's really kind of more for you than anything.
Anyway. I ramble. Good night, and happy Fourth of July weekend!
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