Capitalist PEEG

I want so many things I can't afford.

I want to never have to think about paying the rent or an insurance bill or a phone bill or any bill ever again - bitch, take it out of my bottomless bill account and don't bug me. Seriously.

I want to travel to all those places I see on television: I want to watch the sun rise in the Virgin Islands. I want to walk in a soft Irish rain. I want to hike the Great Wall of China. I want a Sherpa to guide me through Nepalese mountains. I want to learn to surf in Honolulu.

I want a wall of amazing guitars and a recording studio in the basement of my airy, sunlit house - you know, the one on a couple of acres out in the boonies someplace? The one with a self-contained cottage a few feet away where my dad can live and be private but still get his meals carried to him by a doting grandgirl? The one with a huge kitchen garden and a chicken coop? Yeah, that one.

I want a Winnebago. Goofy, right? Well, I do. I want to load everyone up on a whim and travel to Yellowstone or Crater Lake or the coast.

I want to select one of my two or three great digital cameras and go take amazing pictures so that each memory I capture is as close to perfect as the moment itself.

HOWEVER, I am so thankful that I have the things I do have.

I am thankful that, with some exceptions, I can pay my bills at all.

I am thankful that in the little round of daily travel I do make I see things of beauty, like Mount Tabor and the cityscape across the Willamette River and the St. Johns Bridge.

I am thankful that I have a little apartment that is a home to my children - and one or two pretty cool guitars, as a matter of fact. I am thankful that, despite our sticky butts that are in love with our sofas, my dad can come see me or I can go see him and it's not a hardship to do so.

I try to remember every day all of the things I do have. I try to remember every second how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I do. I work at being at peace with the small round of small events that I experience every day. And most of the time I succeed, with varying levels of success.

But lord, lordy lord, I sure would appreciate winning the lottery. Oh, yes, this little capitalist is as piggy as they come, I guess.

But I can live with that, too.

Old Wallpaper: Pants On Fire

I'm not interfering with this post at all except to urge you to note the date of publication and that I was at that time still The World's Most Dissatisfied And Underpaid Office Manager Of All Time Ever Amen. Enjoy - I even cracked myself up when rereading this one.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Pants On Fire

I just want all of you to know that my office is very cold. Very, very cold, all the time. No, really. My office is colder than your office. Full stop, the end. I win forever.

In the summer, the air conditioning is on, and it never gets above 65 degrees in here. In the winter, the heat is set at 69 - such a concession! - and so of course it never gets above 65 degrees in here.

Others in the office don't seem to mind the cold, but I am weak, and wimpy, and thin-blooded, and a smoker, so that when I get up from my chair to do something, there are numerous popping, crackling, and snapping noises. Those noises are my bones, shattering from the icy frozen tundra conditions in this office. I am my own little old-lady percussion system, right in one wimpy, cold body.

I have a little space heater that sits under my desk. In all weathers, in all seasons, my little space heater is on full blast, warming my legs and hips and stomach. Unfortunately, it does not warm my whole person; my back is left out in the howling winds and numbing chill that is this office, as are my upper torso, my arms, and my fingers. So of course to make up for this, I sit as close to on top of the little space heater as I possibly can. I go home at night with legs baked lobster-pink. You can almost smell the frying bacon.

But today I think I went too far.

I am wearing a pair of my brother's Navy uniform pants. (Don't talk to me about it. I know. But he really was very young and skinny when he wore these.) They are comfortable, but they are also some kind of poly blend, which means they retain heat.

So today, straddling my little space heater, as I got more and more absorbed in what I was doing, I didn't notice how warm my legs and stomach were getting. Until the zipper on the pants finally became superheated enough to leave a tattoo of itself on my stomach, and the pants leg tried to heat-seal itself to my shin.

And then I got up, walked outside very quickly, and did a spectacular little dance for the neighborhood, thumbs inside the waistband of muh britches (to keep the zipper away from my belly), legs kicking out (to keep the molten fabric away from my shins).

I realized at that moment that I probably looked just like a leprechaun. A tall blonde leprechaun. On crack. Doing a kicky little dance on the front porch of my office.

I wonder exactly how many people think I'm a big nutbar now?

Oh, well.

You're welcome for the visual.

ZZZZZ

I am tired. It's been a long week. But I can't sleep.

I hear my guy snoozing over there on the couch and I want to wing a shoe at his head. How dare he be able to fall asleep on a fence rail (practically. No, seriously, the dude can sleep anywhere. It's a gift.), while I sit here and go from one end of the internet to the other? BAH.

In other news, I have big grandiose plans to - whoa. The teevee is on behind me and one of those REEEEELLY LOWD commercials - you know, the ones that are like sixty decibels higher than all the rest - just came on and almost made me pee myself.

ANYway. Big grandiose plans to post an entry about my collection of graphic tees and exactly how childish I really am, but most of the tees require laundering and I won't be posting pictures of my lunch-stained clothing for your enjoyment. Look for that within the next few weeks. I KNOW. Got you on tenterhooks, don't I? I, too, would be breathless in anticipation.

Ah, me. Okay, this post is more or less a time-filler, but hey, at least you can see that I am still among the upright and ambulatory, so it's got that in its favor, right? Right.

Good night, Irene, good night.

What The Hell, Man

So I've been getting up early every day for weeks now, but until today I was able to sleep in on Saturdays and Sundays without a problem. Then, this morning, it was like one of those cartoons where the guy's eyelids roll back and go rat-a-tat-a-tat-a against his eyebrows like a pull-blind out of control, and good god, it's alive!

I don't know what to do with my bad self, either. I could clean the house, but then I'd wake everybody else up, and ... well... I kinda like the quiet. I could knit, but that seems like too much trouble.

I know! I will sit on my ass, drink a cup of coffee, and reread one of the Night Watch books by Terry Pratchett. I love Terry Pratchett. I love coffee. It's a plan!

Also on my list of things I've decided to do is to keep posting to this poor neglected blog whenever I can so that I don't feel the way I did when I remembered I had houseplants, only to take my watering can and walk over to two brown, dramatically slumped pots of twigs.

So yeah. I'm reading and drinking coffee as you read this (if you read this), and I kill houseplants. Edifying, right?

I KNOW.

Have a great Saturday!

Stuff That's Cracking Me Up Right Now...

1. Well, right off the bat, the fact that I accidentally hit 'Enter' after typing just two words, part of the title of this post: "Stuff That." Stuff what? Stuff it where? I AM AGOG. Where were you going with that, subconscious?

2. I made the colossal error of reading a blog that I usually forgo, and compounded my error by reading the comment section. MISTAKE. I read a commenter who used a tongue-in-cheek approach to her remarks; immediately, she was brought up short by The Queen Of Internet Etiquette and High Policeman Of What You're Allowed To Say In Comment Sections. I am both irritated and amused by this, because six months or a year ago I might have put on my High Dudgeon Hat and gotten involved. Now? I don't care. If you want to be a smarmy schmuck and police other people's blog comments, go right ahead. Just don't do it here, because my comments are moderated and if it shows up that means I KNOW it's there. KTHX.

3. YouTube. I can't tell you how overjoyed I was to stumble into the little corner of the Utubs I found tonight (and I'm not saying what it is, for fear it may offend); all I can add to that is that the comments were even purer comedy gold than any YouTube comments I've ever, ever seen before.

4. The fact that, when I went to go wake my guy up and roust him off the couch and into bed, the geeky boy said, "No, I've only got two hit points. Let me wait a while first." Dawwwwww... so CUTE.

Hokay, den.

And that is what is cracking me up right now the end.

And Believe Me, I Am Still Alive

Hey, wow.

It's been a while!

Things are fine, I'm fine, all is well, but you can imagine that I could use the roller coaster analogy to describe the goings-on since I last posted. Car breakdowns, car repairings, friend still not my friend, huge family dispute, blah de blah de blah.

I'd rather know how you're doing.

How ya doin'?

What Do You Think?

I found a template I like! I love that it's colorful; I'm not usually a big one for bright and cheery, but in this case, I think it's fun and friendly.

Not much new over here at the moment, but I feel a little more creative with such a neat "face" on my blog. We'll see whether that translates into more posts in the long run.

Holiday Weekend!

Which is incredible and awesome, because 1) my guy gets Friday off so we're all staying up way too late (note the timestamp on this post), and 2) it's a gorgeous excuse to eat lots of stuff that's no good for anyone. And, since I went from being thirty pounds overweight to roughly ten pounds underweight (this allergies/cold/whateverthehell thing has really been kicking my ass, appetite-wise), eating lots of anything has an undeniable attraction. Unless it was, say, brussels sprouts. Them I could live without.

Other than that, I am about to go on a template quest for this blog; plain white isn't my favorite look. However, I strongly believe that that gray thing I had before was kind of boring. Maybe I'll try on a few designs before I settle. (No worries, Fern; I'll make sure to keep it eye-friendly, no matter what.)

Suggestions? Do you want to cast a vote? Like, say, I change the template once a day for a few days and then ask for input? After all, I usually only see the blog from the "Create Posts" page, so it's really kind of more for you than anything.

Anyway. I ramble. Good night, and happy Fourth of July weekend!